Oh, words really don’t do justice to how much my dad hates crying. Every time I cried when I was a kid, I made sure I did it in the room or maybe in front of my mum so she could console me, but I tried my best to not do it in front of my dad. Not going to lie, in some ways it made me strong because I didn’t realize I started channeling those tears into anger. Definitely made me short tempered, but a few years ago, when I was seeing my therapist, I do remember telling him I hate crying and he told this one thing, that’s always on my mind, he said “when you try to suppress a negative emotion, you naturally are suppressing the opposite positive emotion with it”. That got me thinking that all this time, I wasn’t really feeling truly happy, yeah, I was happy, but it wasn’t true happiness, and in 2018, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t stop myself from feeling any emotion I feel.
It’s almost been 2 years, and I can proudly say that I have been doing a good job at expressing how I feel and I’m also trying to have control on my emotions. Trust me, sometimes my emotions hit me like a hurricane and its super hard to control them and sometimes I fail miserably, but honestly, that is okay! It’s okay to just let it go. No matter how hard you try, somethings are just not in your control, but that doesn’t make you weak, that makes you human….
Sometimes I really do wish if I could’ve known this secret earlier than I did, but hey, that’s fine, at least now I do know what I’m doing and how I need to be doing it. I decided to write on this because lately, I feel like I am losing control easily, and I do love surrounding myself with positivity, and when negativity does come around, I tend to catch it and hold onto it longer than I should be. I’m also not that kind who would want to tell others about it either, or I’m literally going to post this, so it makes me feel like I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. Being vulnerable or telling someone you’re not doing okay, is difficult to do, but once you do it, it makes you feel lighter.
Again, there’s no harm in venting, so if you ever do feel like life is taking a toll, and you need a break or you need to do something fun or even talk to someone about it, then do it! Don’t sit quiet and let it feed on you, get it out of your system. Don’t bother on whether the person is judging you or not, because if the person really does care about you, they will know on what to do to assist you. Keeping negativity in your body for long, is almost like being sick with some disease and why would you want your body or mind to go through it?
Life’s a roller coaster, and so are emotions, but our true purpose in life is to be happy. Shit happens, like all the time, and it’s going to pass, but it definitely will make you stronger than you previously were. So, take care of yourself, love yourself just the way you are, if you want to cry it out, cry it out, if you want to yell it out, yell it out, and do know that only you have control on the well-being of your body, mind and soul.
Amazing Kanishka!!! Proud of you!!!